I should have forgotten by now - 8/5/07 (this needs a title)

I should have forgotten by now
I should have left you in the past
where you broke my already too-fragile heart

I should have forgotten by now
But once I kissed the ground you walked on
because I could never kiss your lips
how could I forget?
You see, my heart still pounds at the mention of your name
and my eyes tear up when I hear your memory call my name

I should have forgotten by now
instead, I whisper softly to you
as I lie in bed and dream of how you
would have held me
had you not gone so soon

I should have forgotten by now
I should have hidden your memory in the back of my closet
but instead of you, I’ve hidden myself
and I wait there in silence for you to come back to me
I will wait for eternity

I should have forgotten by now
but instead of forgetting you
it seems I’ve forgotten me

look into my mind's eye - 6/6/07

look into my mind’s eye
and tell me, was it real?
swept up in the moment
inhibitions fade
promise something secret
give in to the desire

promise once a future
promise twice a lie
promise last a secret
but then you say goodbye

look into my mind’s eye
and tell me what you see
am I still the person
that you thought me to be?
am I still your little secret?
am I still the one?
am I still your lover
or is that love long gone?

make believe we’re perfect
make believe it’s destiny
make believe it’s anything
make believe it wasn’t me

look into my mind’s eye
and tell me, was it real?
kiss me in the corner
promise me forever
give you all I’m made of
leave me stranded here, alone

degrees of desire - 6/5/07

I knew you weren’t ready
but I didn’t really care
you knew I wasn’t ready
but you didn’t really care
different degrees of desire
I, longing for your love
you, longing for my…
that’s not important anymore
you knew I wasn’t ready
I made myself quite clear
I knew you weren’t ready
but pretended that you were
“I love you” I would say
and in return, the same,
half-hearted, mumbled low
I’ve decided that I’m ready
different degrees of desire
leave me wondering
cause I made you wait too long
but I’d still wait for eternity

A Sculpture of Lost Love - 6/4/07

they say a picture’s worth a thousand words,
but is a sculpture worth the same?
how much more would I be worth
if I stood out in the rain
and waited for my broken heart
to turn to solid rust?
would I be worth a thousand words
before I turned to dust?
would you look at me and say
that I’m finally your muse?
would you say I was the only one
that our love was really true?
when I’m gone and nothing’s left
but the final memory
and the picture of my broken heart,
will you look at me
and wish that you could finally say
just what you really meant
when you failed to open up your heart
and gave me up for Lent?

I want to write you a poem - 6/3/07

I want to write you a poem
tell you how much that I hurt
make a list of all my sorrows
say our love was just a curse

I want to write you a poem
full of all the love I know
give you everything I hold inside
but the pain I would not show

I want to write you a poem
let you know just what you’ve done
leave you empty, knowing nothing
but the void I have become

I want to write you a poem
with all the love I could express
tell you all the secrets of my heart
all but my loneliness

I want to write you a poem
a thousand, if need be
but I just can’t decide
what’s in store for you and me

no title would be enough - 6/1/07 (an experiment in... something)

you made me
want to write
without you
I don't want to
breathe

don't tell me
that you love me
you've proven
differently
you've made me
want to die
tonight, though
I'll just
cry

I would cry tears
on your shoulder
I'd let you
comfort me
you break it
you mend it

but it doesn't
work like that
you can't say
you're sorry
and expect
forgiveness

even from me

Waiting - 4/30/07

Waste my life
Waiting for your love
Your love will never come

Sneak out late
Meet him on the sidewalk
Cause I’ll never feel your love

Bleed my heart
Cause I can’t tell it’s there
Can’t feel without your love

Give it up
To him, I mean
I'm done waiting for your love

Reliving Sunday - 1/30/07

every day I relive that day
again and again inside my head
I replay that fateful day
I lost myself and you
the two are one, you know
me and you, you and me –
never again – we.

don't say that you love her - 11/23/06

don't say that you love her
I know it too well
don't say that she loves you
my heart can tell
don't look at me softly
don't dare say my name
don't tell me I'm lovely
for I am to blame
you don’t know that my heart broke
you don't know that I cried
you don't know what I wished for
I wished I would die
don't say that you love her
I know that it's true
don't say that she's perfect
she's not better than you
you were what I wanted
though you went astray
you still hold my heart
but I won't beg you to stay
I won't call out your name
I won't make a scene
I'll just sit here, silent
you know what I mean

Know - 2005

Know my future slips away
With every breath I do not take
Know I hide my head in shame
Know I hear them whisper my name
Know my future isn’t mine
Know I’ve lost myself in time
Know I cry ‘most every night
Know my heart has lost all sight
There is no future in my view
I have no future without you
You left me, a child in the rain
You left me and ignored my pain
You love me when you’re hurting
Then you leave me searching
For a place to call my home
For a friend to call my own
Know I pray every night for you
Know my love runs through and through
Know my hurting isn’t done
Know that now I see the sun
Know I’m fighting to live on
Know I’m writing you this song
Know my love will always last
Know that now you’re a part of my past

To Live Today Without You - 2004

I’m in another place today
I’m fighting to live on
In this life that’s not my own

I’m in another world today
I’m fighting to move on
For this love does not belong

I sing another song today
I’m fighting for the words
To say that I don’t need you

Another lie is all I need
To live another day

Another chance is all I need
To show that I love you

Another voice is all I need
To let you know the pain

You left me here to die today
You never even knew
That my world revolves around
You