Ethiopia - A Sestina (Kelsey had me pick 6 words... This is what came out of it.)

I think about the taste of your apples.
My tongue swells up, feels like a marshmallow.
I think someday, together, we'll elope.
There will be many white burning candles.
Then we'll set sail to Ethiopia.
There, I will write our love in my notebook.

Nothing is more precious than my notebook,
to me. To you, precious are your apples.
Our daughter comes from Ethiopia.
Her skin is dark, night. Ours, like marshmallows.
Your eyes reflect the flickering candles,
and I know it was right that we eloped.

My parents hated us, so we eloped.
I carry our hearts in my full notebook,
written by the light of a bride's candle.
I think about the love of our apple.
My tongue swells up, feels like a marshmallow.
I think about her, Ethiopia.

Our daughter comes from Ethiopia.
I pray when she's in love, she won't elope
with a man who's skin is like marshmallows.
I pray she'll keep, like I did, a notebook,
and write of her love and their apples.
They'll marry and join their life's candles.

The two are one, a beautiful candle.
Then she'll return to Ethiopia,
and in that land she'll find her eye's apple.
Unlike us, she won't be glad she eloped.
Her apple will shine and keep a notebook
and write of the love of two marshmallows.

Two lovers, we, our skin like marshmallows.
Two hearts are one, glowing in a candle.
A love, immortalized in a notebook
Our greatest love, she, Ethiopia
will tell of our love and why we eloped.
I'll taste again the taste of your apples.

Two marshmallows in love will elope.
Our candles joined, I'll talk of your apple
in my notebook. She, Ethiopia.

I want to write you a poem - 6/3/07

I want to write you a poem
tell you how much that I hurt
make a list of all my sorrows
say our love was just a curse

I want to write you a poem
full of all the love I know
give you everything I hold inside
but the pain I would not show

I want to write you a poem
let you know just what you’ve done
leave you empty, knowing nothing
but the void I have become

I want to write you a poem
with all the love I could express
tell you all the secrets of my heart
all but my loneliness

I want to write you a poem
a thousand, if need be
but I just can’t decide
what’s in store for you and me

talking about forever - 5/14/07

in my mind, you kiss my cheek
and the innocence of it
makes me cry

we’re talking about forever
and in my mind, I’m watching us
in your dorm room
the lights turned low

I want to sing to you
all the praises that I know
give you all the love
from every poem ever written

I want to hold you in the darkness
cry with you
breathe out this depression with you
never know sadness again

I’m thinking about forever
yes or no
fearing either reality

there is no doubt
how I feel right now
but I don’t want to hurt you again

we’re talking about forever
as I contemplate eternity
among other things

it must be fate
and I must agree
I could talk about forever
for eternity

Prayer for Love - 5/6/07

Lord, take me to September
let me see her face
let me whisper in her ear
let me know of her embrace
Lord, give me wings to fly to her
so I, her kiss can taste
give me strength for miles to walk
let me walk it with great haste
Lord, do not let me lose her now
let me know the words to say
let me tell her that I love her
I will love her for always

Breathe - 5/2/07

you’re the only reason
I breathe anymore
but I can’t
even feel your breath
and I wouldn’t know
if you took your final breath
tomorrow
we’re worlds apart
I must wonder if you’re even real
I breathe just for you
I want to be with you
to live with you
to breathe with you
and when you take your final breath
I want to breathe right next to you
so let’s breathe out life
together
for love’s sake
just breathe

Waiting - 4/30/07

Waste my life
Waiting for your love
Your love will never come

Sneak out late
Meet him on the sidewalk
Cause I’ll never feel your love

Bleed my heart
Cause I can’t tell it’s there
Can’t feel without your love

Give it up
To him, I mean
I'm done waiting for your love

I can't lie when I write - 4/22/07 (this is actually 4 poems. I wrote them all at once, though, and i'm thinking they're a series)

I can’t lie when I write


I had wings once
I could fly
I had dreams once
but that’s a lie
I never dreamt
I never schemed
I never planned
these crazy things
I never wished
on any stars
‘til I met you
you stole my heart
now I dream
a thousand dreams
and I fly
with my new wings


I wish I couldn’t lie to you
but I know I can because I do
when you ask me how I am
I say “I’m fine”
I lie
I’m never fine
without you by my side
but I can’t just say
that I’m near the edge
that I’m reaching for the knife
that my soul is painted black
so instead I say
“I’m fine”
but you don’t know I lied
how can’t you know I lied?
like I’m anything without you


love is a four-letter word
and it rips my flesh like
razors searching for my blood
love is four-letter word
and so is fuck
but I don’t know
what that is yet
but love I now know
it pulls inside
and causes me
to bleed my heart content
it makes me want to run away –
to run away with you
and kiss you underneath the stars
and let you kiss my bleeding heart
and make me whole again


do you know what it’s like
to pray yourself to sleep?
I pray that it’s OK
is it OK?
are we OK?
but my God
he doesn’t answer
like he used to
I once knew
how to live perfectly
but now…
all I want is you

I couldn't love you any more - 3/22/07

I couldn’t love you any more
than when we’re lying in my bed
and you’re holding my hand.
In your eyes there is a hunger.
In my heart there is a thirst.
Together we are perfect –
our minds and bodies one.
I love you in my heart and soul;
and I know you feel the same.

Three [Big] Words - 3/21/07

you don’t care
that I say
that you’re hot
you’re a babe
you don’t see
in my eyes
that I lust
in my mind
and I stare
so aware
that you don’t
give a care
and I know
that I don’t
have a hope
but I won’t
give it up
cause I’ve gone
too far and
I’m alone
in my room
wishing you
were with me
and you knew
I love you

Dressing Room Hopes (Looking at You) - 3/21/07

I hope that you’re wearing that shirt
that shows all your perfect curves
and I hope that you notice this time
that my boobs are padded – enhanced just for you
I won’t eat any onions on my Taco Bell
just in case my big hope might come true
and I hope that you don’t see my wandering eyes
as they not-so-discreetly undress you
but I hope that you do see that look in my eyes
that says you’re what I want for the rest of my life
when we share the same dressing room – like we always do
when you stand in your bra and your jeans before me
and you ask if your butt looks too big
and I think that I might have a chance if I tried
but my glimmer of hope only dies
when you check out the clerk at the Hot Topic store
when both male and female alike turn your head
you expect me be looking too – but I’m looking at you

Voice Mail - 1/30/07

The electronic voice
asks me for my password –
one-one-one-four.
“You have one unheard message.”
“That’s why I’m here, you idiot,”
I say, like the voice can hear.
My heart beats faster.
It’s your voice –
I love your voice.
Something’s wrong.
You sound so afraid,
like it all depends on that one phone call –
that one call I didn’t answer.
You ask if I’m OK.
Of course I’m not OK.
I say it aloud though you can’t hear –
didn’t want you to anyway.
I need you here with me.
I love you. Please don’t go.
“To save this message, press 9.”
So I do, and listen again –
and again – and again.
At every pause I say, “I love you” –
cause I know that you can’t hear me –
and it makes no difference anyway.
I love you.
I need you.
Please call again soon.

Is it OK to love you? - 1/28/07

Is it OK to love you?
They say it’s not, but I don’t know.
I just don’t understand
how a love this strong, this free,
could be the sin
they all claim it to be.

From a Girl (Where Are You Now?) - 1/16/07

Where are you now?
I wonder how we’ve come
so far from the beginning
from just a child laughing
to just a woman crying

Where are you now?
I wander all around
just trying to find you there
from laughter comes my longing
from tears comes my desire

Where are you now?
swept me from my feet
disappear with sweet release
from my secret, to the world
to my lover, from a girl

I've never felt - 12/19/06

I’ve never felt
your tender kiss
upon my lips.
I’ve never seen
your lovely face
in morning’s perfect light.
I’ve never been
to where our love
will last forever more.
I’ve never known
the sweetness of
your loving embrace.
But I know
there’s nothing more
I want than to love you.

That's a Lie - 10/11/06

I look at the picture
I say “good times”
That’s a lie

I look in his eyes
Say “I love you”
That’s a lie

I raise my hand
“Of course I believe”
That’s a lie

I look, shamed, at my feet
“We never can be”
That’s a lie

I look past your eyes
“I don’t love you”
That’s a lie

You kiss my cheek
“I don’t love you, too”
That’s a lie

Inspiration - 10/3/06

Searching for inspiration
I look into your eyes
I hear the words you never said
I feel the pain you ne’er expressed
I see our love shine in your eyes
I know the words I need to write

Will I ever see you again? - 10/1/06

Will I ever see you again?
So near and yet so far
Our last words run through my mind
Confessions of our love
So young, but yet so true
Ripped apart by life’s cruel ways
Cruel irony this life’s become
Alone and yet so much in love
With the memory that you’ve become
In Heaven rest your weary head
Through our love, I will see you again

Only In A Dream - 2005 (edited from 2003 version)

You held me when I cried
You kissed away my tears
You watched me as I passed you by
You conquered all my fears
You loved me once, you told no lies
But only in a dream
Only in a dream
A moment – fleeting – passed
How I wished that it would last!

The First of Many More - 2004

I saw you standing there that day
The first of many more
I watched you as you glanced my way
The first of many more
Our conversations lasted long
I knew you heard my heart’s true song
Secrets cloud the sky above
They’ll never understand our love
The glances stopped
Our talks grew few
Secrets shadowed over lies
Your heart grew cold
My heart grew bold
Until one fateful night I found
Myself lost in your eyes
Slowly then, again we saw
The truth behind the tattered wall
Our love they’ll never understand
Perhaps it is the best
Our songs we sing in harmony
Though secrets still may be
The final puzzle piece – a kiss
The first of many more

The Love - 2003

The storm was drawing nearer
The night was getting cold
I thought there was no hope
I could not see the light
A gust of wind surrounded me
And swept me from afar
Into the arms
The loving arms
Of the one who set me free

The love is like no other
The feeling never dies
The world around me crumbles
I am safe in my savior’s arms