Dirty Little Secrets - 2004

Dirty little secrets
Behind the panes of glass
Hiding from the truth
Rejecting all who pass

Dirty little secrets
Behind those eyes so blue
They’d run in search of cover
If they only knew

Dirty little secrets
Past’s forgotten sins
‘Til robbers enter into the tomb
That’s where your hell begins

Dirty little secrets
In search of something more
You run to find the entrance
Slam into death’s front door

Dirty little secrets
Mistaken alibis
Your cover’s blown and then you’re caught
In a web of your own lies

Curtain of Tears - 2004

I’m all alone right now
Hiding in my own reality
Life’s a game it seems
The rules aren’t very clear

I’m all alone right now
Hiding in my own reality
A curtain of tears is all I see
Cry one more tear for me

Losing the game of life
Behind a curtain made of tears
The little girl is hopeless
All she has are fears

Losing the game of life
Behind a curtain made of tears
She hides in empty wilderness
Stifling her fears

False reality is my sanctuary
As I brave another day
Living in this world opaque
By the curtain made of tears

The Cliff - 2004

I stand on the edge of a cliff
in my desperate attempt to live
I stand there staring down into
the valley far below
I cannot deny the urge to jump
leaning closer toward the edge
a single step could mean my death
the end of the life I know
All that I can think is
"Does he love me true?
Is this the love that I
will cherish all life through?"
I lean a little closer
His hand reaches for my thigh
A little insecure now
my life goes racing by
I'm giving in yet once again
to what he says he needs
I'm standing on the edge now
of a cliff without an end
he's saying that he loves me
and I jump once again

Battle Scars - 2004

She hides her battle scars in silence
All have seen, but none have known
The pain they show within
Though outside all have vanished
Inside, still, they linger
Tearing at her ever time
She takes a breath or two
Not a moment of silent peace
Has been since the war began
Cause unknown and source the same
Still the pain shall linger on
Every day grows harder and harder
And then it all returns
Another battle to be fought
The hardest of the war
A battle between mind and body
This battle can’t be won
At last a moment’s peace is given
Her last breath then she takes
She is a victim of the war
She could not live to fight

The Mannequin - August 2004

A woman stands in the storefront window
She stares incisively at passersby
She never says a word instead
She watches butterflies
Little, green, pink, flowered dress
Sun bonnet on her head
Faded yellow collar
Notebook in her hand
Perfect spot for a writer’s mind
But her hand won’t flex to form the words
Her mouth refused to mumble
So she sits all day pen in hand
The world lays on her mind

The Road to Seeing God - July 2004 (written at Mount Lou San Bible Camp)

My heart is racing as I step
Up closer to the door
The future is forgotten as
My past looms overhead
Forgiveness reaches out to me
And grabs my feeble hand
He pulls me close and hugs me tight
With a gentle caress
Inside the door is Happiness
He’s past the fields of blue
A ray of sunshine fills my eye
My past is left behind
Yet I cling to my guilty sin
I committed long ago
The deep, deep wounds of past forgot
Burst with my crimson blood
I’m filled with pain so great it burns
My heart with every breath
Hope of happiness drifts away
And Danger whispers, “Dear,
My little child come to me and sit here on my knee
We’ll have much fun when Anger comes
And then with misery we’ll…”
“Stop!” I cried and grabbed the door
But locked it seemed to be
No turning back for now the past is gone
The future’s all I see
“I must go on,” I say at last
And pick myself up tall
I push past Danger and the rest,
Toward happiness galore
The fields of blue are wonderful,
But blood drips from the trees
This last reminder of the past
Is all that I can see
My scars attempt to hide the pain
But fail so miserably
My blood pours out as I fall down
And land upon my knees
A cross is lifted off of me
A man stands where I look
My blood pours down his spotless face
My sins are washed away
He takes my cross up on the hill
I nail him to that tree
It’s there my Jesus died for me
With love, peace, purity
I see the lonely cross that held
My sins, my savior’s blood
I’ll hang upon that cross someday
I’ll suffer for Christ’s sake
Treasures shall be stored in Heaven
And I’ll see God that day

Eyes of Colored Glass / Along Life's Weary Path - 2004

I cannot see through tear-stained eyes
I said I would not compromise
My beliefs for those who cannot see
Through eyes of colored glass

I witnessed hundreds, thousands yet
I saw them all and I would bet
Not one of them saw me
Through eyes of colored glass

I know that still another one
Will run the race we haven't won
And then his death we'll surely see
Through eyes of colored glass

Victory is life's symphony
When won by men so bold
As to tell the stories never told
Along life's weary path

None have been so bold to ask of me
Why I cry myself to sleep
As now I lie in fields and weep
Along life's weary path

You'll never know of the seven seas
If you don't dare to ask
And then in glory never bask
Along life's weary path

The Love - 2003

The storm was drawing nearer
The night was getting cold
I thought there was no hope
I could not see the light
A gust of wind surrounded me
And swept me from afar
Into the arms
The loving arms
Of the one who set me free

The love is like no other
The feeling never dies
The world around me crumbles
I am safe in my savior’s arms

Questions - 2003

When will the darkness fade?
Will the sun peep over
The tree-covered hill
To see the children play?
Will the rooster crow
When the north wind blows
To cast all fears away?

Will the dark disappear
Or stay another day?
Will the sun ever shine
On the morning dew
Or stay in his house
‘Til the war is through

Picture of a Bleeding Rose - 2003

A single white rose
Sits on the lonely mantle
In a vase without any water
A memory of a love gone past
A fire burns within the hearth
The flames are dancing
Yet slowly dying
A memory of a flame now dead
The rose is wilting
This beautiful white rose
So elegant and pure
A single drop of blood
Falls from the rose
A crimson tear of pain
Once so beautiful and pure
Now stained forever with the blood of hate

Only the birds and the trees - 2003

Only the birds and the trees
Shall here my cry
Only the birds and the trees
Shall know my longing
Only the birds and the trees
For they cannot tell
Shall hear what my heart longs to say

Though the earth may cry out
And the stars shall sing
Only the birds and the trees
And the flowers below
Shall know of my heart’s lonely cry

As the night wonders on
As the sky reaches out
They shall never understand
The reason I cry
And just as the birds and the flowers shall see
You shall never understand me

Oh man in the moon - 2003

Oh man in the moon,
Why do you weep?
Have your friends
All gone astray?
Did they leave you here
Tattered and torn
To weep the night away?

Did your friends betray you,
Leave you out,
And go their separate ways?

Oh man in the moon,
Why do you weep?
Did your best friend move away
Are all the stars laughing?
Did your friends all turn away
At the sound of howling
From the sun
When you were sad and gray?

Dear man in the moon,
No longer weep.
The sky is full of stars.
Surely you can find
A friend as good as mine.

Advice - 2003

laugh off the pain, rejection, and sorrow
hide behind a smiling face
leave it all in the past
the hurt will disappear
let the world believe you are happy
though inside you are dying
smile and let the world believe you’re OK
don't let them see the tears
wait until dark when you cannot be seen
then you can cry, let the pain flow out
keep it inside you until you explode
then they can see what has happened to you
in the morning when they ask of your tear-stained face
lie and tell of a sad song heard
they will believe
if only you smile

If Only - 2003

If only you knew
How I feel inside
If only you knew
How you made me cry
If only you knew
How it hurts to know
If only you remembered
How I loved you so
If only you could hear
The cry of my lonely heart
If only you could see
The scars surrounding me
If only you knew
What my heart longs to say
If only you knew
I might live another day
If only

Good Night - 2003

Good night, good night
We now must part
Ever will we meet again?
As I walk along life’s narrow path
I’ll think of you often
Every thought, I’ll see your face
Every touch, your sweet embrace
Will I ever know your love again?
Good night, good night
We will meet again
Life is brief, but time is eternal
I will love you ‘til the day I die
“Good night” I’ll say
But never shall I say “Goodbye”

Could You Ever - 2003

Could you ever know
Why the night is so cold
Could you ever hear
Those who cry in the dark
Could you ever wonder
What life would be like
Could you ever care
How you hurt someone so bad
Could you ever know
Why the wind cries so loud
Could you ever
You would know
You would feel
You would cry
You would laugh
And you would die

I Don't Really Have a Choice - summer 2003

The steps are cold
But here I sit
The door is closed
But here I stay
I cannot hear
But still I listen
I cannot see
But still I watch
They told me I don’t want to be there
But what if I do?
I don’t really have a choice
All I see are shadows
Moving under the door
All I hear are mumbled voices
Under the noise of the washing machine
I do not know what they are saying
Still, I know it can’t be good
I don’t want to be a part of it
I know that for a fact
But I don’t really have a choice