Our First Kiss - 11/1/06

I've never held your hand
or known the taste of that first kiss
but something's stirred within my soul
though I don't know just what it is
I pray that it will never go
and I pray you'll never leave
so someday I will hold your hand
and taste of our first kiss

You say it's wrong - 10/17/06

You say it’s wrong
How can’t I agree?
You say it’s a sin
I say let me be
You say it’s a phase
I say that it’s love
You say I’ll find others
I say she’s enough
You say it’s disgusting
You say it’s a lie
I say that I love her
Without her I’d die
Our friendship is over
For we can’t agree
Still I will love you
Though now you hate me

Forgiveness - 10/13/06

you say you love how I forgive
so easily every wrong
you could do anything, I’d forgive
and the truth is that it’s true
I’d forgive you if you cheated
I’d forgive you if you lied
I’d forgive you if you slit my throat
I’d forgive you ‘til I died
you say you love how I forgive
I’m willing, yes, its true
because of this I’ll always feel
how much it hurts to heal

Another time - 10/11/06

Another time, another place
There’s a way it’d be okay
I know it’s true, but I don’t know
How or when or why
Some way, some how
I know we’ll be okay
Somewhere in a future world
With just the two of us

That's a Lie - 10/11/06

I look at the picture
I say “good times”
That’s a lie

I look in his eyes
Say “I love you”
That’s a lie

I raise my hand
“Of course I believe”
That’s a lie

I look, shamed, at my feet
“We never can be”
That’s a lie

I look past your eyes
“I don’t love you”
That’s a lie

You kiss my cheek
“I don’t love you, too”
That’s a lie

I'm afraid of scaring you away - 10/4/06

I’m afraid of scaring you away
I’m afraid I’ll say too much
Is it okay to love you?
Is it all right to need you?
Am I coming on too strong?
Are these feelings here too soon?
I knew it when I saw you
With the first glance I knew
It’s swelled within my heart from then
I wish that you could know
I’m terrified of losing you
Afraid that it’s too soon
I love you, but do you love me?
I do not dare to ask

It is a choice that I must make - 10/4/06

It is a choice that I must make
To live in secret and to hide
To live my life fore’er in fear
Of my secret being revealed
Or lose it all to live my life
The way I feel would be all right

Inspiration - 10/3/06

Searching for inspiration
I look into your eyes
I hear the words you never said
I feel the pain you ne’er expressed
I see our love shine in your eyes
I know the words I need to write

could fate truly be so cruel - 10/03/06

could fate truly be so cruel
to force our love to hide?
or is this just some passing phase,
a joke sent from the skies?

Will I ever see you again? - 10/1/06

Will I ever see you again?
So near and yet so far
Our last words run through my mind
Confessions of our love
So young, but yet so true
Ripped apart by life’s cruel ways
Cruel irony this life’s become
Alone and yet so much in love
With the memory that you’ve become
In Heaven rest your weary head
Through our love, I will see you again

I wonder if you love me - 2006

I wonder if you love me.
I'm too afraid to ask.
I wonder if you're mine to keep.
Is there any use,
any point to all my wondering,
aimless wandering of my mind?
I wonder if you love me.
How am I supposed to tell?
I wonder if I'll ever know.
Your secret's safe with me.
You keep it in.
You keep it hid.
I wear my heart out on my sleeve,
while yours is nowhere to be seen.
I wonder if you love me.
How can I ask this thing?
I look inside my own blind heart.
I wonder if I love you.
I don’t know who to ask.

I wish that I were beautiful - 9/26/06

I wish that I were beautiful
Not for myself, for you
Then you could be proud of me
Show me off to all you know
You’d be proud to call me “hun”
Hold my hand in a public place

I wish that I were beautiful
Then you could show your love
Without the fear of what they think
Of you because of me

I wish that I were beautiful
For maybe then I’d feel
Deserving of the love you give
So unconditionally

Evolution of Our Love - 9/26/06 (to him)

I want to need you
I need to love you
I’d love to kill you
I’d kill to be near you
The evolution of our love
Our love that never was
It never was because
I never really loved you

normal - 9/25/06

“normal’s all I want to be”
that was the old me
today I’m all I want to be
perfection is not necessary
look at me and wonder
in the future who I’ll be
the answer is quite simple
“forever I’ll be me”

What "History" Did - 9/25/06

“history” is not our friend
“the universe” forbids it
out friendship ne’er again to be
because of some great secrecy
what the hell’s your problem?
why can’t we just be friends?
why do you always bring back up
those things we “almost” did?
you never really meant it
I just strived for normalcy
but now those things in secret said
have us sitting on your bed
your hand runs lightly through my hair
“what are you doing?” I ask myself
you look at me with those deep brown eyes
“I told you this would happen”
I look at you, sheer terror
crosses o’er my face
the universe is not my friend
and history lives on

Her smile holds a secret - 9/24/06

Her smile holds a secret
My smile holds the same
A shameful secret, maybe,
But a secret still the same
A whisper in the night is heard
A kiss upon my cheek
A secret life of lies and lust
A life not for the meek
Within the midnight air is heard
A silent little sigh
A pressure building in my heart
I dare not ask her why
We live in secret, for I know,
Though truth may set some free,
For us the truth would surely mean
A life of misery
Her hand brushes back my hair
To reveal my tear-streaked face
Her kiss reveals our secret
And I wonder if it's fate

Don't tell me you love me - 9/24/06

Don't tell me you love me

It hurts me too much

Don't say that you need me

You want me and such

Don't say that your love

You no longer can hide

Don't say that forever

With me you'll abide

I know of your type

I know of your games

Don't whisper so softly

Please don't say my name

You know that I'm yours

Nothing can I do

Don't say that you love me

You know I love you

Don't say that you love me

For I know what comes next

Don't kiss me so gently

You know you're the best

Don't tell me you love me

For we never can be

Forever I'll love you

In past's great harmony