Portrait from my Prison - 12/29/06 [original 2005]

I cry out from my prison
In a cell without the bars
Lost, Alone, Confused
Simply searching for a home
I see no more distractions
I draw along my wrist
You aren’t here to hold me
As I search for impossible bliss
Don’t look at me so softly
Don’t extend to me a kiss
Help me pour out my blood
Help me feel alive again

I've never felt - 12/19/06

I’ve never felt
your tender kiss
upon my lips.
I’ve never seen
your lovely face
in morning’s perfect light.
I’ve never been
to where our love
will last forever more.
I’ve never known
the sweetness of
your loving embrace.
But I know
there’s nothing more
I want than to love you.

Swear I'm better now - 12/7/06

Swear I’m better now
No more tears to cry
Swear I’ll never leave
I’ll never say goodbye

Pain inside can no more bear
Tears of love unknown, unshed

Swear that I’m okay
I cannot feel the pain
Swear it’s not a lie
I’ll never lie again

Fingers crossed, believe my lie
Ignore the tears behind my eyes

Swear that I am fine
No more blood to shed
Swear that I’m alive
Inside, I know I’m dead

Help me to survive my lie
Please, don’t leave me here to die

don't say that you love her - 11/23/06

don't say that you love her
I know it too well
don't say that she loves you
my heart can tell
don't look at me softly
don't dare say my name
don't tell me I'm lovely
for I am to blame
you don’t know that my heart broke
you don't know that I cried
you don't know what I wished for
I wished I would die
don't say that you love her
I know that it's true
don't say that she's perfect
she's not better than you
you were what I wanted
though you went astray
you still hold my heart
but I won't beg you to stay
I won't call out your name
I won't make a scene
I'll just sit here, silent
you know what I mean

beauty yet misunderstood - 11/23/06

beauty yet misunderstood
secret passion hid
for fear of losing everything
within our hearts there dwell

look unto her stunning face
see wherein the beauty holds
her secrets and her shadows there
behind her shining eyes of gold

what loss can stand we now to bear
what great and unknown curse
here hath we yet been bestowed
we mock our savior's birth

listen as I say her name
loud, in whisper call
her beauty e'er hid from us well
let not the words be strong

To Be - 11/2/06

I don't know what it means to "be"
Exist, but never to be seen?
Creation never shown?
Love that never can be known?
I don't know what it means to "be"
But I know that Life wants more from me

Dreams Don't Come True - 11/1/06

Not so much love to go around
I used it up once upon a dream
'Twas a dream that won't come true
You know dreams, they never do

I know your love, it's been around
They say you're what you'll always be
They say our dreams, they won't come true
You know dreams, they never do

Still, I'll wish upon the stars
But I'll dream that we will never be
Cause dreams never come true
Don't you know, they never do

Our First Kiss - 11/1/06

I've never held your hand
or known the taste of that first kiss
but something's stirred within my soul
though I don't know just what it is
I pray that it will never go
and I pray you'll never leave
so someday I will hold your hand
and taste of our first kiss

You say it's wrong - 10/17/06

You say it’s wrong
How can’t I agree?
You say it’s a sin
I say let me be
You say it’s a phase
I say that it’s love
You say I’ll find others
I say she’s enough
You say it’s disgusting
You say it’s a lie
I say that I love her
Without her I’d die
Our friendship is over
For we can’t agree
Still I will love you
Though now you hate me

Forgiveness - 10/13/06

you say you love how I forgive
so easily every wrong
you could do anything, I’d forgive
and the truth is that it’s true
I’d forgive you if you cheated
I’d forgive you if you lied
I’d forgive you if you slit my throat
I’d forgive you ‘til I died
you say you love how I forgive
I’m willing, yes, its true
because of this I’ll always feel
how much it hurts to heal

Another time - 10/11/06

Another time, another place
There’s a way it’d be okay
I know it’s true, but I don’t know
How or when or why
Some way, some how
I know we’ll be okay
Somewhere in a future world
With just the two of us

That's a Lie - 10/11/06

I look at the picture
I say “good times”
That’s a lie

I look in his eyes
Say “I love you”
That’s a lie

I raise my hand
“Of course I believe”
That’s a lie

I look, shamed, at my feet
“We never can be”
That’s a lie

I look past your eyes
“I don’t love you”
That’s a lie

You kiss my cheek
“I don’t love you, too”
That’s a lie

I'm afraid of scaring you away - 10/4/06

I’m afraid of scaring you away
I’m afraid I’ll say too much
Is it okay to love you?
Is it all right to need you?
Am I coming on too strong?
Are these feelings here too soon?
I knew it when I saw you
With the first glance I knew
It’s swelled within my heart from then
I wish that you could know
I’m terrified of losing you
Afraid that it’s too soon
I love you, but do you love me?
I do not dare to ask

It is a choice that I must make - 10/4/06

It is a choice that I must make
To live in secret and to hide
To live my life fore’er in fear
Of my secret being revealed
Or lose it all to live my life
The way I feel would be all right

Inspiration - 10/3/06

Searching for inspiration
I look into your eyes
I hear the words you never said
I feel the pain you ne’er expressed
I see our love shine in your eyes
I know the words I need to write

could fate truly be so cruel - 10/03/06

could fate truly be so cruel
to force our love to hide?
or is this just some passing phase,
a joke sent from the skies?

Will I ever see you again? - 10/1/06

Will I ever see you again?
So near and yet so far
Our last words run through my mind
Confessions of our love
So young, but yet so true
Ripped apart by life’s cruel ways
Cruel irony this life’s become
Alone and yet so much in love
With the memory that you’ve become
In Heaven rest your weary head
Through our love, I will see you again