Listen to My Tears - 2006

Listen to my tears tonight
My blood no longer drips
A crimson spot upon my life
The scars upon my hips

Play for me a symphony
A song for all to hear
Listen to my tears tonight
They scream through all the years

All the years I’ve wandered
My life a broken mess
All the pieces of my heart
All my emptiness

Turn me into someone else
Ignore my lonesome cries
Listen to my tears tonight
Listen with your eyes

Abandon me - January 2006

Abandon me
In my time of need
Murder me
Tonight
Watch me die
I close my eyes
Eternally
I sleep

Skeletons - January 2006

Skeletons
No longer call
My name out loud
My tears
Fall swiftly
To the bedroom floor
I pray nobody hears

The Only One - January 2006

If I were the only one
To feel the way I do
If I were the only one
My problems would be new

If I were the only one
To live in so much pain
If I were the only one
All would know my name

If I were the only one
Who ever cried at night
I would be a dying star
I’d radiate no light

If I were the only one
Haunted by the past
I could always live alone
Yet my life would never last

If I were the only one
With all these tears to cry
If I were the only one
There’d be no reason why

If I were the only one
Would I live in peace?
If I were the only one
How would I find release?

I am not the only one
Who cries herself to sleep
I am not the only one
Always counting sheep

I am not the only one
With this pain inside
I am not the only one
I do not need to hide


*extra verse
If I were the only one
To feel the way I do
If I were the only one
I would not have you

Who Are You? - 2005 (?)

Who are you to tell me how to feel?
Who are you to make me hide what’s real?
Who are you to ignore all that I’ve said?
Who are you?

You think you’re something special
You think you’re really great
You think you’re so spectacular
I think I’m gonna puke

Who are you to say you are the greatest?
Who are you to run away from truth?
Who are you to leave here to wander?
Who are you?

You think that you’re God’s gift to us
You think you’ve got us fooled
You think we’ll never notice
I think that you’re the fool

Who are you to never even notice
the pain we’ve all been dealt?
Who are you to think you know the way
when you’re the one who’s lost?
Who are you to veer us from our path
when your way leads to death?
Who are you?

When every night I prayed - 2005

When every night I prayed
I prayed a prayer for you
The girl who lay there crippled
I prayed you’d take a step
The beggar on the sidewalk
I never stopped to help
“Will work for food,” your sign would read
I never helped to quench your need
Everyone I didn’t save
The witnesses I never gave
Regrets will haunt me evermore
Even now past Heaven’s door
I still pray for all of you
I wish, I only wish I knew
Back then what I know now
For surely I’d have told you how
To get to here

Wanderer - 2005 (a song)

I never saw her cry
Though pain filled her eyes
Last thing she said was “forget it
Life isn’t worth the fuss”
Worry all you want to
But now she’s gone

She’s a wanderer
Never really had a home
She’s a wanderer
She was always been alone
In a one-bedroom apartment
Where she spent her childhood
Growing up to fast and wondering
If she’d ever wander home

Chorus:
Wander home, little wanderer
Pay attention now, my dear
Though your heart be sad and lonely
We will always love you here
Wander home, little wanderer
Pay attention now, my dear
No, your pain can’t be forgotten
But we will always love you here

Her tears shroud the darkness
Through her eyes once bright and clear
Her pain can’t be forgotten
Hidden fears of yesteryear

She’s a wanderer
Crying loud to all who hear
She’s a wanderer
Wishing life would disappear
Smile for the sadness
Wandering angel tears
Light her face from Heaven up above
Chorus

The Perfect Song - 2005

I was sent on a mission
To write the perfect song
A poem without ending
So that all could sing along
Remnants of a child’s dream
Past’s forgotten name
The beauty of the ogre
They all should sound the same
A light shines through the window
With my mind’s pen in hand
I try to write a thousand words
Like tiny grains of sand
The birds give inspiration
Their songs with beauty ring
The masses laugh and scoff at them
And they refuse to sing
The picture perfect sunset
Is what I need to find
To show the little children
They will not be left behind
The song resounds like a symphony
With harmony’s finest chords
Yet utters not a syllable
And wastes not one word
Such a song should surely bring
Peace upon the earth
With every family gathering
Around its fiery hearth
Nature’s melody should ring
Out loud with every phrase
Chorus, verse, and bridge should know
The One we ought to praise
A hymn of invitation
This song should also be
Praising not the writer
Remembering only He
I haven’t the words to write this song
Nor does any other man
For the song was written long ago
Upon this weary land
Listen to the mountains
For they shall always sing
Of love and peace and harmony
All that the good Lord brings
So here I end my mission
To write the perfect song
For it was written by God alone
And lasts eternity long

Song About Me - 2005

I thought that death would save me
But now I know the truth
I thought my life would save me
But now I call on You

I don’t know how it got this way –
How I got to where I am
Life hurt so bad I wanted to die
But cry is all I’d do
The Ruler of Darkness thrived in me
As I hung my head in shame
In a life full of darkness
I hid myself in sin
My secrets lurking somewhere near
A life of worthless passing

Too much sin to be forgiven
Too many lies to be saved
Too much sorrow, too much pain
Too much hate, and too much shame

But then, my Lord, He rescued me
He saved me from my sin
My secret wonders and my shame
From the darkness of my heart
In the passion of Your love
The reality of Your life
In You alone I live in full
Apart from You, I’m nothing
The road I walk is clearly paved
With safety in Your arms

The Light abides within the darkness
The truest Light of all
Lifting up my hands with praise
My story never ends

Silence in the hallway - 2005

Silence in the hallway
Footsteps down the stairs
Sneaking out at midnight
No one knows she’s there

“Listen to me, won’t you!”
I scream to deafened ears
All alone I’m crying
These unshedable tears

Lost in circumstances
Unseen in her youth
Never saw me crying
“I still love you”

Alone in pain and silence
I cry, “I need you, please!”
No one knows the difference
As I fall down on my knees

My God, just where were you
When she held that knife in hand?
Where were you when we
Vowed our friendship in the sands?

Where were you when bloodshed
Took over both our lives?
Where were you the night I cried
And begged you for her life?

Why did she leave, dear God?
Why’d she cause such pain?
Why couldn’t I stop her, Lord?
Instead of standing in the rain

I watched her leave in silence
She never knew my tears
God whispers in the darkness
“I’ve always been right here”

Outside of Myself - 2005

I am not myself today, I fear
I've lost myself in time
I cannot see. I cannot hear
Yet terror brings me home
I float in clouds I cannot see
My brain is numb and I,
I do not wish that I could be
With you again, my dear
My dear, sweet home is calling me
To come back where I lie
So many times before thee
And stretched out another hand

Only In A Dream - 2005 (edited from 2003 version)

You held me when I cried
You kissed away my tears
You watched me as I passed you by
You conquered all my fears
You loved me once, you told no lies
But only in a dream
Only in a dream
A moment – fleeting – passed
How I wished that it would last!

My life in bits and pieces - 2005

My life in bits and pieces
I spread across this page
Shifting through with scrutiny
Do with me what you may

Hear me but don’t listen
Search for poetry
Criticize my rhyming games
Ignore my honesty

Reading with blind eyes
You cannot see its truth
Think you’ve got me figured out
But I don’t write for you

Know - 2005

Know my future slips away
With every breath I do not take
Know I hide my head in shame
Know I hear them whisper my name
Know my future isn’t mine
Know I’ve lost myself in time
Know I cry ‘most every night
Know my heart has lost all sight
There is no future in my view
I have no future without you
You left me, a child in the rain
You left me and ignored my pain
You love me when you’re hurting
Then you leave me searching
For a place to call my home
For a friend to call my own
Know I pray every night for you
Know my love runs through and through
Know my hurting isn’t done
Know that now I see the sun
Know I’m fighting to live on
Know I’m writing you this song
Know my love will always last
Know that now you’re a part of my past

I never thought it'd end like this - 2005

I never thought it’d end like this
I never thought I’d hurt this much
I fear my life is over
The future is unclear
There is no hope left for tomorrow
I lost it in my yesterday
My tears stain the paper
You’re happy now, I know
My misery is mine alone
I love you with all my heart
Now her heart loves you too
You’ll never know how much I’m hurting
You’ll never see the tears I’m crying
Temptation looms to take you back
You were never mine at all
I love you in the silence
Death’s my final victory
Tears my last goodbye
I love you more than you’ll ever know
I loved you enough to stop my blood’s flow

Her heart is black - 2005

Her heart is black
Her soul is dying
Death’s her victory
Never has she loved before
Born in Heaven
Her heart’s forgotten
The love of her Savior’s blood

She thinks her blood will save her
She cries out from her death
With Satan’s arms around her
She takes her final breath
God loved her ‘til the last
If only she could see
In Christ, there’s victory

"Fine" - 2005

Lying through my teeth tonight
Telling you I’m fine
Know my secrets
Know my hiding
Know my future isn’t mine

Know the truth that lies beneath
You know the anger boils
Creeping out from underneath
Hide behind the neon sign
Blaring loud “I’m fine!”