Far Gone

She’s so far gone.
But is she too far gone
For the Lord to hear her cries and heal her pain?
She’s so far gone
We fear she’s too far gone
So we let her wander out into the rain

She’s wandered far from home
She’s wandered far from God
And now she’s running past our open arms again

Lord she’s so far gone
Is she too far gone?
Will she ever wander back home again?
Lord she’s so far gone
She’s never too far gone
For Your love to reach her let her know Your love

Lord let her know we love her
Let her know we need her
Let her know she can always wander home
She’s so far gone

Who are you to want me? - 9/23/06

Who are you to want me?
Who are you to care?
Why are you so far away?
It feels like you’re right here
With me in this room tonight
I long to feel your touch
I cannot let you love me
It may just hurt too much
I need you to be near me
I wish that you could see
I’m terrified of losing you
I’m scared we’ll never be

Make-Believe - September 2006

My heart wants to scream
Cry out to everyone
Without release
Death soon may come
I shake with all that’s hid
Beneath my calm exterior
Listen to my silence
Soft and low, I cry
Hiding in the darkness
My secret world of make-believe
Forgive me for my lies
I cannot live the truth
My heart cries out
My mind set free
My mouth, though, cannot move
I utter not a word
I hide again inside
My world of make-believe
My safety net – false peace

I cry alone for fear - 2006

I cry alone for fear
My tears will hurt you
I watch you from afar for fear
You might understand my longings

Please don’t leave
I need you here
But you seem so far away

My tears flow
My fear grows
I’m left here all alone

You know just why I cry
You see inside my heart
I do not feel you anymore
I simply cannot see

Please, don’t leave
I need you here
But my heart’s so far away

To V - 2006

My sister, my friend
Forever will I love you
A love without condition

Pain, sorrow
I feel these things for you
I hurt to see you hurt

Truth, lies
Don’t be deceived by anyone
But always trust in friends

My sister, my friend
Held by bonds unseen
I promise to never leave

Listen to My Tears - 2006

Listen to my tears tonight
My blood no longer drips
A crimson spot upon my life
The scars upon my hips

Play for me a symphony
A song for all to hear
Listen to my tears tonight
They scream through all the years

All the years I’ve wandered
My life a broken mess
All the pieces of my heart
All my emptiness

Turn me into someone else
Ignore my lonesome cries
Listen to my tears tonight
Listen with your eyes

Abandon me - January 2006

Abandon me
In my time of need
Murder me
Tonight
Watch me die
I close my eyes
Eternally
I sleep

Skeletons - January 2006

Skeletons
No longer call
My name out loud
My tears
Fall swiftly
To the bedroom floor
I pray nobody hears

The Only One - January 2006

If I were the only one
To feel the way I do
If I were the only one
My problems would be new

If I were the only one
To live in so much pain
If I were the only one
All would know my name

If I were the only one
Who ever cried at night
I would be a dying star
I’d radiate no light

If I were the only one
Haunted by the past
I could always live alone
Yet my life would never last

If I were the only one
With all these tears to cry
If I were the only one
There’d be no reason why

If I were the only one
Would I live in peace?
If I were the only one
How would I find release?

I am not the only one
Who cries herself to sleep
I am not the only one
Always counting sheep

I am not the only one
With this pain inside
I am not the only one
I do not need to hide


*extra verse
If I were the only one
To feel the way I do
If I were the only one
I would not have you

Who Are You? - 2005 (?)

Who are you to tell me how to feel?
Who are you to make me hide what’s real?
Who are you to ignore all that I’ve said?
Who are you?

You think you’re something special
You think you’re really great
You think you’re so spectacular
I think I’m gonna puke

Who are you to say you are the greatest?
Who are you to run away from truth?
Who are you to leave here to wander?
Who are you?

You think that you’re God’s gift to us
You think you’ve got us fooled
You think we’ll never notice
I think that you’re the fool

Who are you to never even notice
the pain we’ve all been dealt?
Who are you to think you know the way
when you’re the one who’s lost?
Who are you to veer us from our path
when your way leads to death?
Who are you?

When every night I prayed - 2005

When every night I prayed
I prayed a prayer for you
The girl who lay there crippled
I prayed you’d take a step
The beggar on the sidewalk
I never stopped to help
“Will work for food,” your sign would read
I never helped to quench your need
Everyone I didn’t save
The witnesses I never gave
Regrets will haunt me evermore
Even now past Heaven’s door
I still pray for all of you
I wish, I only wish I knew
Back then what I know now
For surely I’d have told you how
To get to here

Wanderer - 2005 (a song)

I never saw her cry
Though pain filled her eyes
Last thing she said was “forget it
Life isn’t worth the fuss”
Worry all you want to
But now she’s gone

She’s a wanderer
Never really had a home
She’s a wanderer
She was always been alone
In a one-bedroom apartment
Where she spent her childhood
Growing up to fast and wondering
If she’d ever wander home

Chorus:
Wander home, little wanderer
Pay attention now, my dear
Though your heart be sad and lonely
We will always love you here
Wander home, little wanderer
Pay attention now, my dear
No, your pain can’t be forgotten
But we will always love you here

Her tears shroud the darkness
Through her eyes once bright and clear
Her pain can’t be forgotten
Hidden fears of yesteryear

She’s a wanderer
Crying loud to all who hear
She’s a wanderer
Wishing life would disappear
Smile for the sadness
Wandering angel tears
Light her face from Heaven up above
Chorus

The Perfect Song - 2005

I was sent on a mission
To write the perfect song
A poem without ending
So that all could sing along
Remnants of a child’s dream
Past’s forgotten name
The beauty of the ogre
They all should sound the same
A light shines through the window
With my mind’s pen in hand
I try to write a thousand words
Like tiny grains of sand
The birds give inspiration
Their songs with beauty ring
The masses laugh and scoff at them
And they refuse to sing
The picture perfect sunset
Is what I need to find
To show the little children
They will not be left behind
The song resounds like a symphony
With harmony’s finest chords
Yet utters not a syllable
And wastes not one word
Such a song should surely bring
Peace upon the earth
With every family gathering
Around its fiery hearth
Nature’s melody should ring
Out loud with every phrase
Chorus, verse, and bridge should know
The One we ought to praise
A hymn of invitation
This song should also be
Praising not the writer
Remembering only He
I haven’t the words to write this song
Nor does any other man
For the song was written long ago
Upon this weary land
Listen to the mountains
For they shall always sing
Of love and peace and harmony
All that the good Lord brings
So here I end my mission
To write the perfect song
For it was written by God alone
And lasts eternity long

Song About Me - 2005

I thought that death would save me
But now I know the truth
I thought my life would save me
But now I call on You

I don’t know how it got this way –
How I got to where I am
Life hurt so bad I wanted to die
But cry is all I’d do
The Ruler of Darkness thrived in me
As I hung my head in shame
In a life full of darkness
I hid myself in sin
My secrets lurking somewhere near
A life of worthless passing

Too much sin to be forgiven
Too many lies to be saved
Too much sorrow, too much pain
Too much hate, and too much shame

But then, my Lord, He rescued me
He saved me from my sin
My secret wonders and my shame
From the darkness of my heart
In the passion of Your love
The reality of Your life
In You alone I live in full
Apart from You, I’m nothing
The road I walk is clearly paved
With safety in Your arms

The Light abides within the darkness
The truest Light of all
Lifting up my hands with praise
My story never ends

Silence in the hallway - 2005

Silence in the hallway
Footsteps down the stairs
Sneaking out at midnight
No one knows she’s there

“Listen to me, won’t you!”
I scream to deafened ears
All alone I’m crying
These unshedable tears

Lost in circumstances
Unseen in her youth
Never saw me crying
“I still love you”

Alone in pain and silence
I cry, “I need you, please!”
No one knows the difference
As I fall down on my knees

My God, just where were you
When she held that knife in hand?
Where were you when we
Vowed our friendship in the sands?

Where were you when bloodshed
Took over both our lives?
Where were you the night I cried
And begged you for her life?

Why did she leave, dear God?
Why’d she cause such pain?
Why couldn’t I stop her, Lord?
Instead of standing in the rain

I watched her leave in silence
She never knew my tears
God whispers in the darkness
“I’ve always been right here”

Outside of Myself - 2005

I am not myself today, I fear
I've lost myself in time
I cannot see. I cannot hear
Yet terror brings me home
I float in clouds I cannot see
My brain is numb and I,
I do not wish that I could be
With you again, my dear
My dear, sweet home is calling me
To come back where I lie
So many times before thee
And stretched out another hand

Only In A Dream - 2005 (edited from 2003 version)

You held me when I cried
You kissed away my tears
You watched me as I passed you by
You conquered all my fears
You loved me once, you told no lies
But only in a dream
Only in a dream
A moment – fleeting – passed
How I wished that it would last!