secrets
killing me
pulling me
into this abyss

secrets
burning me
burying me
beneath their weight

you always come around
with some crazy thing
you did last night
expecting me
to dig you out of it
but what am i supposed to say?
"hold on tight, girl"
"it'll be ok"
it won't, you know
you fucked up bad
but he's not worth
this pain
he's not worth
your tears
he's not worth
an ounce of regret
and he's certainly
not worth
your words

Surviving: Part 2

I'm a leaf
floating nervously in the wind
this gravity
pulls on me
like a hundred mighty elephants
each running for it's own life
each threatening
to take my life

I'm a flower
hiding under blankets of snow
seeking nothing more than just to know
the truth of this
monstrosity

I'm a pebble
in your shoe
annoying the crap out of you
but you leave me there
thinking eventually
I'll have to leave

Surviving: Part 1

a cut too deep
a trip to the ER
6 stitches
don't like to keep
secrets

my friends
call the cops
try to 302 me
i laugh and lie
my way into
some fake sanity

a night of
contemplation
a note
and then
a prayer

forced conversations
with too many
important strangers

too many worries
not enough tears
and i just wish i
could just
disappear

Number Line

I'm a 7 today
a 9 last night
I fear the fall
that comes at 10
hold onto the numbers
defining me
defining my
anxiety

Sympathy - 3/26/08

it's all I have to offer you
a hug
a playful kiss
but you have too much going on
to accept
even this
just listen to my words tonight
absorb them
let them live
just take the gift I'm giving you
it's all
I have to give

touch

the slightest touch
sends shivers up my spine
his words alone
enfold me in that beauty
a simple touch
fills the complex void
for a while
then I'm left
wanting so much more

Noose - 3/26/08

tie the apron strings
behind my back, around my
neck, a woman's role

Wendi Jo - 3/26/08

You are a kitten
nestled on Grandma's lap.
Her grip fails.
You fall,
a sparrow, now,
bright with independence,
hindered by a broken wing.
A lion and a mouse,
I watch you struggle amid the flock.
Take hold of a leaf
and you float away.

Penguin - 3/24/08

They call her "Penguin"
for she's young and waddles so.
Her little feet will carry her
and grow with her all her days,
but her wings are burdened by her size.
She'll learn someday, she cannot fly.

Jealousy - 3/24/08

jealousy is the green-eyed monster
that haunts my entire waking
don't pity me
for all it's worth
is a single slice in my own skin
you hold her and I see your eyes
dig deep into my soul
you raped me empty
stole my heart
then bargained with my soul
my jealous is nothing less
and nothing more than this
I wish you all the happiness
I'll receive without your kiss

To D. - 3/24/08

I haven't been fair to you, my friend
I've asked much more than you can ever give
do I ask too much in simply
calling you "my friend"?
do you ache whenever the phone rings
and you see my name on the caller ID?
have I done more harm than good to you?
have I tried your last ounce of patience?
please don't hate me for my neediness
I deserve no punishment for my broken heart
but you deserve more than I am able to give
so I say my last goodbye tonight
I won't hurt you anymore

A Professor's Sympathy - 3/24/08

the professor's sympathies
are all the hope you have
his musings on life and love
send your mind racing for some truth
accept his wonderings
or aimlessly seek your own
failure seems a way of life
the way of your college life
but the professor's sympathy
remind you of something more
a childhood courage
the strength to move on
and his words
breathe new life into your veins

This Emptiness - 3/24/08

fill the empty with some unknown
be it God or the love of a man
hope for something more than this
this emptiness

The Scent of Autumn - 3/24/08

I know there's the scent of autumn in the air
but my nostrils are filled with smoke
your cigarette stares back at me
and I watch
as one after another they disappear
smoke and ash
and the discarded butt
then it happens
and I'm left
smoke and ash is all that remains
I'm empty
my soul left in your too-full ash tray
is there one last puff left?

now I engage in your bad habits
smoke and ash are all I have of you
I hold onto the butt with my last breath
and swear that someday I'll let you go

Anxiety - 3/24/08

I watch the anthill,
bustling with life. I feel
empty and alone.

The Anthill - 3/24/08

the ants file quickly from their hole
they march to their deaths in the outside world
you kicked aside the anthill in your childhood games
I defended them
tried to save them from a death beneath your heel
round them up inside a bottle
return them to their home